So, I am a 'tawker'. No doubt about it--I ramble, I toss ideas about and bat them around--a trait that I'm sure is not always appreciated. My brain works in mysterious ways and can be counted upon to come up with amazing ideas, solutions and connections that promote understanding--mine mostly, but sometimes that of others too. I like to write, am a decent writer, though I ramble on with virtual words almost as badly as with spoken. Still, for some reason, I have yet to catch the blogger bug in a big way. Can't teach old dogs new tricks perhaps?
Leaving a record of potentially embarrassing self-revelation is not something I have done with any consistency. I never have been big on journaling. I would get one and write for a couple of days then leave it on a shelf or under the night stand to collect dust for years sometime. Nor do I recall ever creating a teeny bopper diary on which to look back through whimsically. Looking back is not so appealing to me. I guess it's because I love to grow. If I'm not evolving I'm not content. Looking back at where I've been sometimes feels uncomfortable.
This year however, my three kids have all gone off to college (amazing) and I often have only the 4 walls and my cats and horses to talk to. The thought of leaving some kind of record behind for them of advice or memories, so they can say, "that's my crazy mother" has more appeal now. Your kids only know you as the crazy parental unit trying like heck to keep it all together, to stay afloat in the most joyful yet stressful years of your life. They don't know your inmost thoughts and feelings, nor do they want to, except for the fact that you love them to pieces! So I do have something to look back on warmly. I did a damned good job of raising those kids. Nooo, I was not the perfect parent, but my kids turned out perfect in my estimation: well adjusted, goal oriented, sane and with so many other great qualities. What I count as my success is not that they are so great, no parent can take credit for that. No, my success as a parent is that I didn't ruin them! So maybe we'll have some ramblings served up here that are worth a read, some memories worth a look back and some funny stories worth another laugh in the re-telling.
